D’ja ever wonder?


Sometimes in the dog days of summer, with things slowing down a little bit, people on vacation, and the U.S. Congress getting ready to head out on a recess from its recess, I get to daydreaming. For example, do you ever think about what it would be like if you got to run your business like a government?

One benefit you’d get right away right away is the ability to hire at least four times the number of people actually required to produce something. Not only do you not have to worry about how much that’s going to cost, but you can then also have some possibility that something might actually get produced. I really like that idea.

But–even better–it doesn’t matter whether you really do produce anything. You can still bill the customers! Then, when they call to complain about not getting anything for their money, you can bill them again, for the phone time! It’s great!

Another particularly good thing, though, is the ability to jack your prices up every year. Government customers aren’t like regular customers; they’ll pretty much pay anything. And besides, since you’re taking it all up front, on the installment plan, half of them don’t even know how much they’re paying.

Let’s be realistic, though. Some services actually do need to be provided and some things actually do need to get produced. Otherwise, the customers can’t do their own jobs, and that means they can’t pay your bills. No one wants that, and you certainly can’t expect your own employees to deal with it. They just won’t hang around long in that kind of high-stress environment. It might have been a real problem if not for this new outsourcing craze. It started in the private sector, but it’s really taking hold in the government business. When something needs doing, you simply hire a real company to do it–and charge that cost back to the customer, too!

Of course, the government business does have that one unique drawback. The customers think they should have some say in who runs the company. It’s not a big deal, though; you can just offer them up a couple of choices once in a while. For example, you might just grab, I don’t know, a good-looking black guy off the street and, say, a tired old war hero. That’s a fun contrast, and one of them ought to keep the customers amused for a while.

Anyway, I guess that’s enough daydreaming. Have a great summer!

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John Haystead,
Publisher & Editor